The other day I was having a debate with one of my very good friend about stay-at-home men. She pointed out that very few men intend their stay-at-home status to be permanent or even long-term. She would argue that 99% of men did not like to stay at home, even if the wife earned more money than the husband in a household; point to note here is the reason she mentioned was not ego but simply for the fact that they are not used to it. Not used to what? Women were not born with accepting attitude of stay-at-home-while-the man-earned. Women cultivated it for reasons that women were best suited to manage homes and relate better with children. I think what is wrong if men stayed at home when life demanded it. Well, maybe ‘wrong’ is not the word. The increasing necessity or advantage of a two-income home nourishes the expectation of husbands/ fathers getting involved in domestic duties. The unique mix of personalities between a husband and wife if played smart would in fact contribute majorly for mutual respect in a couple.
The thought that, for a man to stay at home to avoid responsibility was wrong always frustrated my inquisitiveness. The unanswered question was where to draw the line that defined when a man is slacking and when he's providing for his family. Do any of the following situations project to be an allowable reason for a responsible family man to stay at home:
1) His wife makes a better salary or has better benefits
2) He's better with the kids than she is
3) He can't find work (whether he's actively seeking it or not)
4) His job allows him to work from home, while her's doesn't
These days, when the lay-offs target men in a more relative number than the women, it is a thought to be pondered upon. I remember once at my work place, a dirty debate sprang when two guys mocked the third guy who argued being happy to be at home if his wife earned better than him. He was poorly ridiculed for going against the Indian society norms placing him in a sorrowful state. In the midst of a tough economy, to meet both financial and parenting demands, a sensible choice for a couple would be to fight cultural trend over ego. I believe that the culture should become more gender-neutral, male/female roles should become less of a determining factor in parenting and work.
But I know for a fact that Indian women of a male dominated country would have to fight for many more years to come.
One thought men can ruminate, is making their daughters/ wives more independent & strong and their sons or themselves more adaptable to fostering their thought process in a gender-neutral manner.
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When you say “I know for a fact that Indian women of a male dominated country would have to fight for many more years to come”, I would say it’s a cowardly statement. India is a country which had Indira Gandhi, a woman, as prime minister of the country and still has Pratiba Patil, as the president of the country. A country, where women are worshipped as goddess and treated equal to men, in all aspects. India is a country where great women like Jhansi Lakshmi Bhai, the Indian Police cop Kiran Bedi, the astronaut Kalpna Chawla, politician Sonia Gandhi, entrepreneur Kiran Mazummadar, miss world Aishwarya Rai, Olympian Karuna Malleshwari and many more to name ( it’s a big list and I guess this blog space is not sufficient for it ) were all born on this very soil and have carved their ways to glory, in this very society. They choose their area of interest and excelled in it despite many hardships. Neither did they blame the society, cultural trends nor did they wait for some unseen power to help them by changing the people’s preferences. They hailed from the same society to reach their destiny, which was their ultimate goal.
ReplyDeleteEach individual in this country has the same rights and equal opportunity to achieve whatever he or she wants to. Some have their goals fixed and stay undeterred until they achieve it. And some have neither the determination nor a goal, if at all they have any goals or dreams, it’s not strong enough; hence they fail in their attempts. And then blame the society and cultural trend for their failures.
A few set of people live in hallucination. I will be able to explain this better with an example. A friend of mine visited his friend’s house, where he found the dog crying. 30 minutes passed by and the dog was still crying. My friend asked “Why is the dog crying?” He replied “ It is sitting on a nail” My friend again asked “ Why doesn’t it get up?”
He replied “the nail isn’t hurting him enough to get up”
Most people are like this dog, all have problems and are cribbing about it. But they don’t find a solution for it, as the problem isn’t affecting them that hard enough. So they continue to do what they are best at, crib. People crib about the politics, politicians, society, nation, system, caste, customs, culture, development, every possible thing that they are able to find fault with. They don’t put any cautious effect to come forward to resolve the problem. But they would wait for someone to make a move, so that they can again crib on his or her success/failure.
One thought people need to ruminate, is making their thoughts more independent and responsible actions towards the society they wish to have.
woah! somebody got too emotional here :D well, correction here, i'm not talking about women's interests subdued by men OR women not being able to establish as high as men OR even women cribbing over men's actions. No, none of them. That would be a separate topic altogether ;-)India is definitely a male dominated country; don't highlight the priviledged few, talk about female foeticide, women being ill-treated, women in marriage abuse, women murdered in relational disputes; There are women astronauts, political figures, female cops, teachers and what not. But this does not mean that majority of the women are happy. It is time to deliberate on some issues related to the freedom enjoyed by women and the atrocities committed against women at home in particular. Hear this: Even today in our country, a young man visualises himself as a prince about to marry a princess and hopes to return home with half the kingdom. Oh, but that's another topic altogether.
ReplyDeleteGood job again. I do agree with you.. Inspite of many successful ladies in INDIAN society, one need to accept the fact that they still do not enjoy the same rights as males do. But things are changing for the good. However, coming back to your topic on BLOG.. I feel, Associating MEN with EARNING MONEY and WOMEN with HOME have come up with a very good spiritual and cultural reasons. However, with the changing world.. just as caste system is dissapearing, same way other practises will also fade for the GOOD.
ReplyDeleteI feel that day is not far off when Men respect Women ( not for their earning abilities but for their nature) and Women admire Man ( not for their Home care abilities but for their nature ).
ALL SMILES :) :)
you know what.. As long as men and women exist, this debate would continue... and its just not us (the 21st century dashing men)... but since a thousands of yrs back.. (& depending on which religion you believe in....)
ReplyDeleteif only eve hadn't bit the fordbidden apple, we would've still all be in heaven
if only Sita had kept quite and didnt ask for the Deer meat (:P pun intended :)) for dinner, we wouldnt have a temple for Rama and kept fighting till date.. :)
if only women had been able to impress upon the prophets back then only, maybe women rights would have been the in-thing in the middle east now.
if only Buddha loved his wife enough and stayed at home, Billion Chinkees would have had nothing to follow :P :P (pun intended)
so dont blame us, it starts from our forefathers -- right upto one Mr Adam. hehe :)
and incidentally most men happen to be male chavunists( depending on how you define chavunism) - but still love women
ReplyDelete& most women happen to be "women rights evangelists" who still love men
quite ironic isnt it... :P
Politely combating my good friend sathish's comments above, i feel that my blog seems to be spawning a proliferation of an emotional outburst of male ego! Guys! Plz. You are simply ruining the essence of the blog topic. So closely connoting chavunism with exchange of roles is bad for the heart, mind & soul ;-)
ReplyDeleteI swear it.... i'd love to sit at home and watch over kids... and watch TV all day..... i mean this...... if my wife were to say yes.... sit and home and she'll earn.... i'm the most happiest person in the world to do things at home......
ReplyDeletethe simple fact is because.... i love kids.... i love to cook.... and i love to be lazy.... hee... hee... hee.....
now if some lame ass thinks that sitting at home is not for a man of Indian Origin.... i'm sorry brother.... you'll have to some day....
and to be very true..... my wife earns more than me.... and i'm happy to be at home at times... and help her out..... in a few days time.... i'm planning to take a break off work and get back to studies... so my wife manages the whole money business and I manage things back at home......
Regards
Suraj